Waiting

2/28/12
So this morning i woke up with a lot of anxiety.  Lots of reasons i suppose, work, recent events, this stupid headache i have and.... There is always this sense of aloneness.  Right now i am focusing on being healthy and happy.  i am however, meant to be a part of a whole, so the feeling of completeness never quite washes over me.

i never let go of that hope that He is right now busy looking for me...seeking me....and waiting for me to complete Him as well...

So, Nothing...

So, i've not heard any more from the Dom i gave 6 months to...i certainly have a lot to say to him if he ever does show up....but i doubt that he will.

Burned, Duped, Fooled, or Maybe Not?

2/21/12

So i had all but given up on my Sir, thinking He was just the last in a long line of people who i had let take advantage of me.  Then i received an email from the girl who He works with.  It was a confusing jarble of confusing information but the jest of it was basically that he has been hospitalized for some reason, and i'm making the assumption that it's out in Colorado where He went to the training.  It said He would hopefully be released this week, though He is not walking on His own yet...and that her Sir would be flying to get Him as His brother is now going home and He would be alone? 

She would get me more details later in the week. 

Nice huh?  my emotions have of course run the gammit.  i truely believed this man, and i still find it so hard to believe that He would lie to me.  i honestly thought that i could trust Him because He's so ethical...right?  He's a liberal for gods sakes, He voted for Obamma...He believes in taking care of people....

how could He lie to me....repeatedly?

All the promises, all the phone calls, He's so good at what He does.......

and i know He'll read this....because what better way to monitor my thoughts and actions.....than a personal blog...fuck

i miss Him

A glass of wine, some music, the lights are all out...the house is still except for the music as it pulls my heart forward through the night...

i miss Him...

Stuff

Autumn all Cozy

This munchkin seems to be pretty comfy in her new home.  i wonder if she may have an eye infection though, but all i've read say that persians often do have weepy eyes.  After next week, life should be on the normal end of the scale again and i'll get both of them in to see the vet for a good check up...unless her eyes seem worse before then.  

Still haven't heard from my Sir, it's been a week today since He left abruptly, a week ago tomorrow since we spoke and 3 days since i heard anything at all. 
:-(

What's Been Going On...

So life has been busy...

Summer

Cats - So Saturday i went and picked up Summer and Autumn, they are as cute as cute can be.  Autumn's warmed up very quickly, Summer is shyer, but she is getting much friendlier.  i'm definitely enjoying them and i don't think i will have any regrets getting two, though despite not really believing in declawing, i am going to get them declawed before they destroy my house.



i stared at these for an hour and a half this afternoon waiting for the surgeon to come talk to me.

 Doctor Appt. - i went to the Surgeon this afternoon and what a great Dr.! i was totally comfortable with him and would be happy to have him as my Dr.  However, he felt there is no need, while he gave the lump a diagnosis, he said they are always benign and that the only ones he feels need to be removed are the more suspicious ones, growing, funny feeling or painful, and that this one was none of the above.  He just said to keep an eye on it and if it did change to come on back.  It's been a nervewracking experience, and i'm glad it's over.  i'm also thankful that it turned out to be nothing.



Colorado 2009

Sir - Last week Sir left on Thursday for Colorado.  He'd just recently told me He had to go for training and if it was a weekend that He'd have me come too.  Then a day or two later He left unexpectedly He called me that night from a different phone number (a Mr. Number app number) and said His phone got left at the airport so He was using a friends extra phone.  i heard from Him via a text, but not a text? on Monday saying He was on His way home, then Tuesday a missed phonecall during work from a skype number, He left me a Happy Valentines message and said He'd call last night, but He didn't.  He said this would be our last Valentines apart, but if i can't rely on a simple phonecall, how can i believe that?









 



Happy Valentines Day

The girls

Finally home and ready to explore

Autumn

Autumn

Summer and Autumn

Summer

A comfy spot after a big eventful day...

The girls

summer

autumn

So i went out to the pet store this weekend as they were sponsering a local shelter that brought several cats and dogs for guests to meet.  i was really surprised when i petted one of the cats and suddenly got tears in my eyes.  i realized that i hadn't pet an animal since my ex stole skooter from me right before Christmas. 

i still miss my lil guy so much.  i've decided though i need to share my attention and love with a new pet.  It's been about two months now and i know skooter isn't coming home.   i've been debating hard whether to adopt from the shelter or to spend money on the type of cat i've always wanted.  i spent a lot of time this weekend looking online, and came up with a few choices.  After talking to Sir though, He reminded me that i am usually very socially conscious and to not adopt from a shelter or rehome someones pet that might end up in the shelter just wouldn't be me.

So...after much searching websites online, i came up with a very nice options.  The two beauties above are exactly the kind of cats i would like to have.  i was thinking it would be better to start with kitten, but these two are sisters and only 2 years old.  They sound like the perfect girls to share my home with.  i still have to finalize everything but i am thinking this is what i'm going to do.  As long as Sir gives His approval.  i originally was thinking just one but don't see how they can be seperated and since they are used to being together, how lonely they would be alone each day while i'm working. 

i cant wait to get my hands on them, and spoil them rotten!

A New Kitten

So today i went to a local pet store that sponsered an animal shelter event today.  There were a number of cats there.  One black long haired little guy that reminded me of my own skooter. 

i petted one cat and as i was petting her i realized that she was the first cat i'd had my hands on since skooter was stolen from me back before Christmas.  Of course i got tears in my eyes and just left.  The fun got kind of sucked out of the moment.  i came home though and really thought about what i want.  There were two kittens there.  Black and white short hairs, brothers.  Do i want one?  two?  Am i looking for something specific? 

So, i came home and watched some tv.  There was a show on cats and one of the breeds featured was the persian.  As i watched, i realized i've always wanted one of these goofy faced little fluffy diva cats.  i've had several siamese, a tortie, a tabby, a calico, a gorgeous long haired gray and white and a black longhair, besides one of the siamese and the tortie, each of the others found me.  i think this time i want to find my own little fluff princess and choose the one that makes me smile.



Phone Calls

Last night while i was away from home for a work training, my Sir called and W/we talked for a while.  Maybe it was because i was away from home and hearing His voice felt familiar or maybe it was because somehow the comfort level just felt at it's peak last night but i felt so warm and secure laying in bed even a strange place...i slept all night long and woke up when the alarm went off. 

i so miss those long phone conversations W/we used to have in the beginning.  They were so filled with promise.  Now 5+ months later, and talking every night, W/we don't often run into new topics or feel surprised, but even though W/we talk every day, there is still a desire and need to hear His voice.  Sometimes O/our conversations are very short and quick, but just hearing Him at least once a day helps keep O/our connection.

Lately it feels more and more right.  When W/we talk i feel so meshed to Him...the trust has deepened and the bond has strengthened...

anxious to be with Him....