Just how am i Rockin' the little me This Week?

Last Saturday I came down with the flu.  It started just like a mild fever and feelin' achie, but by Tuesday I was struggling to breathe and ended up making a trip to Urgent Care, to get some meds. 
Now I have Bronchitis and am using a nebulizer every hour and taking a ton of different drugs, and I'm not allowed to return to work until next Monday.  Not fun!

What's happening though is being sick is bringing out my little side.  Now if you know me at all, you know that I do identify myself as a slave/little girl and have no hesitation about sharing that, it's who I am.  Lately though, I don't let her out as much.  It's important that I'm taking care of life as an adult and that means that letting down my guard can be difficult.  (This may be a little confusing for the Man I am seeing who is looking for my 'softer side' but keeps bumping heads with my "need to be in control" side.)

So to this Man, who asked me tonight to clarify the following....
"being sick is hitting my little space trigger."
I think I have to start with this question first, How is it that a girl who identifies as a slave/little girl can't let down her control?  Well, it's hard to be a responsible adult day in and day out and still allow yourself to stay open and vulnerable.  Being vulnerable means you are open to hurts and evils that lurk in the world.  It's not that I don't long to sink into that warm intoxicating safe place and give myself over to someone who will protect me from the world.  It's just that it's very hard to do when there are so many demands, things to balance, when we aren't quite at that intimate stage of trust  that we'd like to be yet and maybe I'm even just a little out of practice.


So how exactly am I "Rockin' the little me" this week?  Well, I've had a lot of down time, a lot of me time and just the opportunity to tune in.  I'm been able to stop and listen to that "needy" part of me and not shove it down.  Instead of ignoring the desires that are so often there, I'm finding myself giving in to them.  The things that are comforting, like sucking my thumb and wearing diapers.

My world can be a very lonely place sometimes, despite my friendly, outgoing nature, I really let very few people in.  It's hard to be vulnerable with someone again and trust has always been hard for me.  I don't exactly know the path to take to get to the place we want to be.  I suspect that being vulnerable is the first step.  It's hard to reach out to you with this.  I tried tonight, and again, I know you probably think this would come easy for me, I share every other thought in my head, but this stuff is different.  Our conversation just didn't make it to where I hoped it would go.  So I've brought it here...to help me sort through things, and to maybe help to start some more conversation between us.

Before I go to bed tonight, I will put on a diaper, I will snuggle deep under the covers, I'll pull Tallie and Hendrix close, I'll put my left thumb in my mouth and I will fall asleep.  I'll probably wake several times during the night and my thoughts will stray to you...I'll wish you were lying next to me, I'll wish that we were at that stage, I'll worry that the last two weeks may have taken a tole on the direction things were going and I'll wait for that text that you used to always send every morning letting me know that you are thinking of me too....

 

 

 



Some Vanilla He Turned Out to Be

You're so fun and I'm so enjoying talking to you. I don't want to hang up when it get's late...I can't wait until Saturday when we finally meet, going to see a movie, having dinner...safe, neutral things as promised.

We've already established that while we met on a "vanilla" site, you are no stranger to bdsm.  You seem to understand my kink, what little we have talked about it.  But I was not telling you all of my kinks.  Oh, I wanted to, but a diaper fetish and  wanting to call you Daddy, those things are not even always understood by people on Fetlife, let alone someone one met in POF.

We have our first date planned for Saturday, I'm hoping it goes well.  You say I'm very protective of myself, more so than any woman you've met.
You've wondered about it, but you understand, You're being careful.  You say things like "I normally go after and get what I want like a bull in a china shop."  but You recognize that I might explode if you move to fast.  You're giving me time, the space I need, you recognize that you could trigger my emergency button and everything would be lost.

I told you days ago that You weren't ready for "all of it"  That when the time was right I'd tell you about "it" but that I didn't want to scare you....
I wanted to tell you that I already felt compelled to call you "Daddy".  I wanted to tell you that my deepest darkest secret was that I get off on being diapered.  But I didn't want to jeopardize what we've started to build.

Tonight I had to tell you it all, even if it meant you ran.  I needed to let you know that my kink might just be too much for you. so much so, that you'd want to run away.
I started to tell you, oh, you had guesses, but nothing like what I was about to tell you.  I wished we'd been together and I could have shown you things online so you wouldn't get "icky" pictures in your head.  It was really hard to share it because I really, really like you and didn't want to chase you away.

I said, "I'm a 'little,'" and I asked you if you knew what that meant?  You did know, you even knew that it included diapers (you, Sir, are definitely not your average vanilla...) and you said to me, "You need what you need and I want to give you that."  Before we hung up You reminded me that you are still looking forward to Saturday, and that you would talk to me tomorrow night....
Too good to be true?

Lala's Christmas Pageant Debut

Lala is already for her Christmas Pageant

But first she is going to hang the Christmas wreath!

She may need a little help hanging it!

Lala cuddling with her bear.



and playing with her snowglobe

Lala showing off her new pageant dress.

Lala says, Merry Christmas, have a safe and happy holiday season!

Fall Picture Day

Update:  The day turned out wet and rainy so we mostly shopped for antiques.  These photos of Lala happened later, but I think they sure came out cute!

Happy Fall!

Lala and I are headed out for Fall Picture Day tomorrow.  We are going with J. and I think we are going to head towards a quaint little rural town that has a lot of trees, small businesses, a lot of history and a great little restaurant.  Even if we aren't there for lunch, I'm gonna make sure we get desert to go.  They have the bestest ever homemade bread pudding with caramel sauce ever made.

When I was growing up my best friend was a farm girl and her Mom was the person who did all of the baking for this little restaurant.  She would get up at 4 in the morning and bake pie after pie, several days a week.  Staying the night at their house meant the best smells and desert...always desert, for breakfast, lunch and dinner and sometimes in between.

When we were teenagers we'd pop in on a Friday or Saturday night at 9 or 10 pm and she would always be testing something, it might be 5 different cheesecakes at once or a new fruit crisp recipe, apple, peach maybe rhubarb or pies, pies pies....Their house always smelled so good.

I loved my own Mom's cooking definitely, but my friend's Mom, she made food fun, exploratory, social! 

Happy Halloween!

BEAR!

Here is a video! OMG this BEAR!

Lala is getting ready for Halloween!

Lala in the Garden

The first Morning Glory of the summer and I don't even have the vine in the ground yet.

Lala on my red garden bench, everything was still wet from the rain last night.

Lala looking for fairies with her new friend.

Daisies are both Lala's and my favorite flower.

Lala liked this flower box the best.

New ab/dl friendly room on CollarMe Chat

I discovered a new room on CollarMe tonight that is ab/dl friendly.  The Nursery welcomes all, but I believe the room was started out of the need for a ab/dl specific room.  When you pop in you'll find a very welcoming team of Loca and her lil, who goes by ally.   Check out their bot "FrankNFurter" he has some fun commands.

Hoping to watch the room grow so be sure to stop in and say "hi!"  and don't forget to tell em the cubgirl sent you! ;-)

It's my Birthday and Lala is Celebrating!

Tomorrow is my birthday and Lala has been helping me celebrate!

Lala in Her Sock Monkey Dress

Lala in her Snowman Dress

LaLa's Christmas Photos

Happy Valentines Day

 

my lala helped me celebrate my birthday!

And finally, to show what a help my kittens are when i am photo taking ... here is a little grouping featuring pea-nut!

 

LaLaloopsy in her Pink Pajammies