Of course one also learns much through observation and just listening to others interact and discuss and to those over the years with whom i've spent time, i am grateful for their sincerity and committment to the "community" and helping others as we make our way through the journey. i only hope i can share my knowledge as sincerely and as intelligently as it has been shared with me.
i was having a conversation with someone this morning who has watched first hand my evolution as a slave. We were discussing the difference between a slave and a good/smart slave. i think understanding what it is to be slave, and what it is to actually implement that understanding can be a challenge to begin with, and then to be good at it, to fit one's Owners individual needs is taking it even a step further.
i've really been forced lately to examine who i was, am and who i wish to be. Probably to begin with i put way too much thought into it. If only i could be the kind of person who accepted and performed without a need to analyze and understand the how and why of everything, i'd probably still be in a successful relationship. That hasn't been my strength however i am on the road to working it out.
Here is what i have reflected on so far today....
As a slave in my past i struggled with "His way" vs "my way" i am sorry to admit it, but i often had thoughts of "i could do that better" The problem with this thought pattern is....
- Firstly, a slave should be able to take directions without question. A good/smart slave should be able to take direction and if she thinks she has an idea that might be able to positively impact the outcome, she should be able to offer input with an approach that doesn't question His plan, but rather offers assistance in a respectful manner. Knowing that ultimately, His decision is for her to accept as the final word.
- The next thing is, attitude. A positive attitude is important. If as a slave you approach your tasks with reluctance and a negativity, you aren't serving the person you've chosen to serve fully. you are cheating both yourself and Him of the gifts a slave should offer. Approaching a task with a heart filled with joy and giving spirit enriches the experience. The benefits of a joyful heart and giving spirit are many, your time spent is more meaningful, the quality of the situation is improved and the gift of your submission can truely be valued and seen as the gift it is.
- Finally today, i have reflected on my own past habit of getting stuck in the "fault and blame" game. This is one of the hardest things to see in myself. i don't really notice if other people are guilty of using excuses? Maybe it's just a "me" thing? i don't know that i do it during other aspects of my life, but in my past as a slave i was quite guilty of wanting to not accept my own failures and would fall back on using excuses. i was always looking for reasons or excuses for why i hadn't succeeded. Excuses like, "there wasn't enough time," or "i forgot," Sometimes excuses can be legit, "There was a car accident on the interstate." and that's when one can say..."Hey, i was late because...." Most excuses however, are reasons for having avoided the task and legit or not, there needs to be communication and understanding between both Master and slave, of what is acceptable as a legitimate excuse, and when the Master is going to see it as not having placed priority on the task assigned. Personally i don't like to fail (i'm sure most of us don't) and being slave means that your failures and inadequacies are often viewed under a microscope. you are no longer only accountable to yourself, but to One who is also witness to your every shortcoming and personal failure. It's not easy to be so vulernable, but to be slave, it is a requirement. one must humble oneself so that their Master can not only see their strengths but also their weaknesses and if one has chosen wisely....value you despite those weaknesses.
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