“Go forward in life with a twinkle in your eye and a smile on your face, but with great purpose in heart.” ― Gordon B. Hinckley

Saturday, July 20, 2013

a slave's life...moving on?

So I don't know if I could be considered the "norm" in any aspect of my life.  When I was 14 I fell in love with someone who has stayed my friend for the next 34 years and counting.  We were young and of course things happen and we took other paths but he married my best girlfriend and we all stayed in touch but ... moving on.

I next fell in love with my ex husband.  A sweet guy, as opposite of my father, an angry man who never knew how to NOT hurt a young girls feelings.  He was sweet and loving and my best friend for 20 years, but his addiction to pot and alcohol, a definite lack of motivation and my longing for "more" caused me to lose respect for him...moving on.

When I left my ex-husband it was in part due to my desire to have children, he did not want any and though he was quite content to stay together...we lived in a sexless marriage.  So at an age when my friends were married, being happy homemakers and raising children, I was focused on a career and finding out what my life was really about....moving on.

I discovered many things about my life then...I had a kink that caused me to look further into the bdsm culture.  It was there that i found someone to call "Daddy".  He became the love of my life and my addiction to Him increased daily until there was such a dependency, my life revolved around Him in every way....moving on.

He and I spent 6 years in a very non traditional relationship.  There were highs and lows and every range of emotion in between.  I worshiped Him, however, I couldn't fit into the mold He had for me.  I tried, I honestly thought I'd be able to meet His demands...I did had the ability to do at the time.  He spent His every waking moment on finding a way to make it work...it didn't....moving on.

I bought my own house.  I started over.  Life was way different.  I tried to find love, I longed and desired for all that I'd had before.  For 2 years I found myself in and out of extremely frustrating relationships situations.  I was lied to more often than I care to admit.  I finally committed to making serious changes in my life.  I have spent time on growing and getting healthier both mentally and physically....moving on.

I met a man who I almost gave my life to, an extreme Master who found ways to move me again.  I truly fell in love with Him, but His expectations were more than I could come to grips with...moving on.

When I found myself on my own again I still wanted to be the slave I'd been working on becoming...but somehow that's gotten lost again.  Is it because it's not who I am meant to be?  I think I can't fit into another person's box.  I'd like to think I could follow rules and orders and meet expectations...but I think I will always be a free spirit, someone who tries to please others but no matter how I long to never make mistakes or to be the perfect one for a Master...I'm one of those goofy people that seems to leave a wake of catastrophe behind her, more like Lucy Ricardo than June Cleaver?  Thinking back, I guess Lucy failed in her relationships too.....I wonder if June kept Ward happy for the rest of His life?...moving on. 

lucy11

Just incase...
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Lucy_Ricardo
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/June_Cleaver
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1 comment:

  1. AnonymousWednesday, October 23, 2013

    Sometimes the most challenging thing in life is trying to figure out who we are. The scariest part of this this same challenging is accepting who we have become, and liking them....no make that loving ourselves when we make this discovery. I learned a long time ago that its easier to change yourself than it is to change the world. That doesn't mean stop being who you are, but to realize life is, and will always be filled with things that our out of our control. But.........life is rewarding and precious.

    Love yourself first and I mean truly love who you are.....you will find the one who can love you back the way that you desire.

    Hope this helps Beargirl.


    My favorite passage from the bible:
    Psalm 130:5
    I wait for the Lord, my soul waits, and in his word I hope

    ReplyDelete

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Quiz Results: What kind of Little are you?

What kind of Little are you?
Your Result: Princess
 

You are Daddy's little Princess!!!!! Your daddy adores you and spoils you rotten, because you melt him everytime you walk (or crawl) :) into the room!

Angel
 
Brat
 
Schoolgirl
 
Pumpkin
 
What kind of Little are you?
Quiz Created on GoToQuiz

Stole this fun little quiz from a friends profile on Fetlife

It feels good to serve. A lack of control in the bedroom can be fun and relaxing. Being with a dominant person wouldn't be a bad idea.

Submissive
100%
Experimental
71%
Masochist
71%
Degradation Lover
64%
Bondage
64%
Exhibitionist / Voyeur
61%
Switch
39%
Sadist
21%
Vanilla
14%
Dominant
4%
http://quizfarm.com/run.php/QuizRunner

Flash Clocks, Hearts Clocks at WishAFriend.com

Daddy Doms by kendra

It had been a while since i'd last read the following article. Many people ask me about bdsm and why i enjoy it...not understanding my desire to be with a Dominant. It is hard to put into words exactly what it's about ... but this article does a wonderful job of explaining it.Daddy/little girl does not refer to the ages, real or pretend, of the participants. Nor does it imply closet desires. In my relationship my Dom is not my father, he is nothing like my father, and I have no need for him to replace my father. He is however my Daddy. We do not engage in age play specifically ( beyond the occasional school girl fantasy *s*) and our relationship is not based on any need to have sex with children. I am always all woman, and always a very independent woman.He does have the ability to make me feel like a little girl, however, a very cherished and sometimes needy little girl. It is a feeling that I revel in, it is the safest place I have ever been, and it allows me the freedom to be all that I am without fear of reprisals. Daddy Dom is a feeling, an environment that two people have created. A Daddy Dom is so named because of the qualities he possesses and the service he provides.So, what are these qualities? What is a Daddy Dom?A Daddy Dom wants to be the center of your universe. He wants to be able to provide for your every need and care. But more than that he wants to be able to shape and mold you to the image he thinks you should become. He sees in you someone who can achieve a much higher, much greater status. He believes more in you than you believe in yourself. What he wants in return is to be able to bask in his image of you, the image he has created. To achieve these goals he relies on a combination of love, respect, and discipline.His love for his little girl goes without saying. He loves her as much for who she is as for who she will become with his guidance. She is his prized possession. His eyes light up when she walks into the room and he takes great pride in her successes. After all, he helped to create her. She holds the most tender part of his heart and has the greatest power to hurt him.This love would not be possible without respect. A Daddy Dom needs to feel pride in his little girl. He needs to know she can hold her own in the outside world and still submit to him. He holds the greatest respect for the gift she has given him and takes great pains to increase it’s value. It is extremely important to him to know she can be with any man and she chooses to be with him.He knows that this makes discipline a priority in their lives, more important than in some other D/s relationships. In order for the little girl to really trust, she must know he means what he says. If his little girl is going to be the best she can possibly be he must stand firm. He uses his experience in life and his knowledge of her to provide proper direction and punishment when the need arises.If he does not enforce discipline, this respect becomes a tenuous thing. If his submissive finds that she can manipulate him out of punishing her, she begins to lose respect and the ability to empower becomes impeded. He understands that it becomes increasingly difficult to be possessed by someone you do not respect.This takes great strength on his part. It takes strength to control her, and to shape her to his needs and desires. It takes strength to be her confidant, her shoulder, her anchor. It takes strength to let her out into the world when all he wants to do is hold her safe in his arms. And it takes strength todo what is necessary when she needs to be disciplined.A Daddy Dom provides something else that is very important to his submissive...acceptance. She is safe in his arms because he knows her, everything about her, and he still loves her. When she goes to him she knows that this man knows all of her dirty little secrets and it doesn’t matter. To him she is beautiful.Daddy Dom and sadistic Dom are by no means mutually exclusive. Many Daddy Doms embrace their sadism while understanding and feeding their submissive's masochism. This balance is necessary to many little girls because it allows all parts of her to be nourished, leading to an incredibly fulfilling relationship.I think most Dominants have a bit of the Daddy in them, taking on the role of male authority figure in the submissive’s life and using their power to enrich that life. Daddy/little girl verbalizes that feeling, and adds a dimension of warmth, caring, and ritual that it’s participants crave.There is something infinitely magical about a Daddy Dom. Perhaps it is something only a little girl can understand.This article may only be reprinted on private, no fee to access websites as long as this notice accompanies it and the following link is in place: http://www.subspace.cc/