“Go forward in life with a twinkle in your eye and a smile on your face, but with great purpose in heart.” ― Gordon B. Hinckley

Thursday, January 21, 2016

Happy Birthday - 2016

 

Today is my birthday.

Today I turned 51 years old.  It's been a quiet day.  Originally J and I were going to spend the day together, so I took it off of work, but then his work schedule changed.  Instead of going in to work, I decided to just have a day to do nothing.  Nothing is hard to do sometimes so I have gotten laundry done, paid bills, did some planning for the rest of the month and watched about 7 episodes of Ray Donovan Season 2.

I also got a text from J around noon.  He had some exciting news.  Today he made his final decision to purchase, not one, but 2 plots of land on the side of a mountain in North Carolina.  It's pretty much a done deal.  He has a bit of an "in" with the land owner and got what seems like a decent reduced price.

I have a lot of mixed emotions, I'm super happy for him, this is his dream and he's moving forward!  I know that it's what he's talked about for the entire time I've known him.  Because of him, I've fallen in love with the mountains as well and totally love the idea of living there. He's left it very open for me to join him.  and I would love nothing more than to plan the rest of my life with him.

I almost can't imagine living in such a beautiful place, the Blue Ridge Mountains have a way of calling to you.  Our last road trip took me to Florida and I think I got to see the best of what Florida has to offer, I loved it, we had so much fun...but there is something about the sight of a misty blue mountain that tugs at my heart...

LOL, but life is never that uncomplicated, at least not for me. 

There are things that make it difficult for me.
  • J and I have a lot of history, some of it the best time of my life, I wouldn't trade our friendship and love for one another for anything or any one. - however, when our D/lg relationship came to an end, I had to build a new life for myself.  It was hard.  What helped me get through it was my job, my friends/family, the comfort and security of everything that is familiar.  IF I needed to start over there, how would I do it?  Even with the network of friends I had then, it was the hardest thing I've ever gone through in my life.
  • Financially, I have several things to consider,
    • I did get some good news about my student loan debt this week, and it's possible that I'll have that paid off within the next 8 or less years. 
    • Another concern is that while financially it helps to live with someone and share the costs,  if for some reason it doesn't work out, you can't take with you anything you may have invested.  Financially I don't know if I could start over again, possibly with a job that pays less, and in a place with less support. 
  • I've had a very easy road, work wise the last 24 years.  I've always loved where I work, the people and what I do.  Still, things have changed there, the people have changed.  I'm still passionate but, I can see myself leaving one day.  The hardest part of that is, I will be leaving "family."  and kind of all I've ever known.
  • Of course I think J and I are both committed to one another, there is still that unknown element.  Could he take another girl, one he falls head over heels in love with?  Where would that leave me in his life?  I know we are bonded up, but there are things that don't exist in our relationship that each of us still longs for.
I know that there are never any certainties in life, I'm certainly experienced enough to know that things can change and not always for the better, very quickly.  I also know, if you're too afraid to go after what you want, you are probably never going to have it.

So, that's been my birthday, lots of contemplating and trying to find out where I belong in all of these "Mountain" plans...

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Quiz Results: What kind of Little are you?

What kind of Little are you?
Your Result: Princess
 

You are Daddy's little Princess!!!!! Your daddy adores you and spoils you rotten, because you melt him everytime you walk (or crawl) :) into the room!

Angel
 
Brat
 
Schoolgirl
 
Pumpkin
 
What kind of Little are you?
Quiz Created on GoToQuiz

Stole this fun little quiz from a friends profile on Fetlife

It feels good to serve. A lack of control in the bedroom can be fun and relaxing. Being with a dominant person wouldn't be a bad idea.

Submissive
100%
Experimental
71%
Masochist
71%
Degradation Lover
64%
Bondage
64%
Exhibitionist / Voyeur
61%
Switch
39%
Sadist
21%
Vanilla
14%
Dominant
4%
http://quizfarm.com/run.php/QuizRunner

Flash Clocks, Hearts Clocks at WishAFriend.com

Daddy Doms by kendra

It had been a while since i'd last read the following article. Many people ask me about bdsm and why i enjoy it...not understanding my desire to be with a Dominant. It is hard to put into words exactly what it's about ... but this article does a wonderful job of explaining it.Daddy/little girl does not refer to the ages, real or pretend, of the participants. Nor does it imply closet desires. In my relationship my Dom is not my father, he is nothing like my father, and I have no need for him to replace my father. He is however my Daddy. We do not engage in age play specifically ( beyond the occasional school girl fantasy *s*) and our relationship is not based on any need to have sex with children. I am always all woman, and always a very independent woman.He does have the ability to make me feel like a little girl, however, a very cherished and sometimes needy little girl. It is a feeling that I revel in, it is the safest place I have ever been, and it allows me the freedom to be all that I am without fear of reprisals. Daddy Dom is a feeling, an environment that two people have created. A Daddy Dom is so named because of the qualities he possesses and the service he provides.So, what are these qualities? What is a Daddy Dom?A Daddy Dom wants to be the center of your universe. He wants to be able to provide for your every need and care. But more than that he wants to be able to shape and mold you to the image he thinks you should become. He sees in you someone who can achieve a much higher, much greater status. He believes more in you than you believe in yourself. What he wants in return is to be able to bask in his image of you, the image he has created. To achieve these goals he relies on a combination of love, respect, and discipline.His love for his little girl goes without saying. He loves her as much for who she is as for who she will become with his guidance. She is his prized possession. His eyes light up when she walks into the room and he takes great pride in her successes. After all, he helped to create her. She holds the most tender part of his heart and has the greatest power to hurt him.This love would not be possible without respect. A Daddy Dom needs to feel pride in his little girl. He needs to know she can hold her own in the outside world and still submit to him. He holds the greatest respect for the gift she has given him and takes great pains to increase it’s value. It is extremely important to him to know she can be with any man and she chooses to be with him.He knows that this makes discipline a priority in their lives, more important than in some other D/s relationships. In order for the little girl to really trust, she must know he means what he says. If his little girl is going to be the best she can possibly be he must stand firm. He uses his experience in life and his knowledge of her to provide proper direction and punishment when the need arises.If he does not enforce discipline, this respect becomes a tenuous thing. If his submissive finds that she can manipulate him out of punishing her, she begins to lose respect and the ability to empower becomes impeded. He understands that it becomes increasingly difficult to be possessed by someone you do not respect.This takes great strength on his part. It takes strength to control her, and to shape her to his needs and desires. It takes strength to be her confidant, her shoulder, her anchor. It takes strength to let her out into the world when all he wants to do is hold her safe in his arms. And it takes strength todo what is necessary when she needs to be disciplined.A Daddy Dom provides something else that is very important to his submissive...acceptance. She is safe in his arms because he knows her, everything about her, and he still loves her. When she goes to him she knows that this man knows all of her dirty little secrets and it doesn’t matter. To him she is beautiful.Daddy Dom and sadistic Dom are by no means mutually exclusive. Many Daddy Doms embrace their sadism while understanding and feeding their submissive's masochism. This balance is necessary to many little girls because it allows all parts of her to be nourished, leading to an incredibly fulfilling relationship.I think most Dominants have a bit of the Daddy in them, taking on the role of male authority figure in the submissive’s life and using their power to enrich that life. Daddy/little girl verbalizes that feeling, and adds a dimension of warmth, caring, and ritual that it’s participants crave.There is something infinitely magical about a Daddy Dom. Perhaps it is something only a little girl can understand.This article may only be reprinted on private, no fee to access websites as long as this notice accompanies it and the following link is in place: http://www.subspace.cc/