“Go forward in life with a twinkle in your eye and a smile on your face, but with great purpose in heart.” ― Gordon B. Hinckley

Wednesday, March 23, 2011

OMG, WHAT's WITH THIS "lil stuff"?

So a conversation that happened yesterday triggered something in me that hasn't happened in quite a while.  (Since my Ex and i were on good terms) During a very serious discussion, the person used a phrase that made me stop and at that moment i had to make a choice, do i or don't i go there.  i have no doubt that the person wielding the word, knew he had used it, i'm not so certain that he understands the power it creates to speak to me like that. 

While the good part is, i now know that part of me is still there...the bad part is, it's just not all that easy to be a little sometimes.  Yes, i could of chosen to "not go there" but the instant question i had to ask myself, is this person someone i want to have that kind of power over me?  Guess what the answer was....

i let it happen, now i am here working through it.  Trying to not overwhelm anyone including myself with the repercussions.  In my head i hear the words "self indulgent, selfish, needy" playing over and over and i just don't want to be that person.

This lil stuff is not to be confused with the sexual kind of little that enhances play for me....but the emotional kind of little that is about regressive behavior and needing "stuff".... i can be big for weeks, months even years but suddenly...something or someone triggers something and it all comes flooding back.  It's such a needy feeling and it's so hard to not overwhelm anyone else.  i could probably have stopped it the moment it hit...but i didn't...so here i am....

i called off work two days last week, migraine, then a weekend alone...and now 3 days of vacation.  i actually know better than to do this to myself.  i need human contact, and while there's been a bit, :o)  it's still been limited.

I should have made myself go back to work early...but i didn't.  I have some stressful days ahead at work, including a couple of out of town trainings, and working a bunch of weekends and so i think relaxing is important...or is it?

For the record, a good friend (sometimes i miss you like crazy tyko <3) once taught me long ago how to come out of a regressive moment.  i DO know the secret to emerge from this strange lil world...but with my new pacifyer in my mouth, i haven't decided to do that yet.
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2 comments:

  1. DL-ABerThursday, March 24, 2011

    aww jenniebear :| well girl unfortunately those words seemed to be targeted at you I would think to make you feel badly about yourself or get a certain reaction, the old saying is "takes one to know one". You deserve your little time and being a big does force your out of the baby/sub space. Try to enjoy your little time that you are in now cuz your schedule will force you to be big again soon enough. Hang in there!

    Hugs to you from Huggie

    ReplyDelete
  2. jennie bearThursday, March 24, 2011

    Dear Huggie,

    As always thank you for your concern and care...

    i don't have much time to respond, but i must say that if in my post i portrayed the person i spoke of as someone who would intentionally do such to cause me any hardship, it was not my intent.

    He is a sweet man, who i very much regret having had a discussion that caused him to feel he needed to take charge of the situation.

    Let's hope i've learned something and can take it forward with me....

    peace and respect,
    jennie

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Quiz Results: What kind of Little are you?

What kind of Little are you?
Your Result: Princess
 

You are Daddy's little Princess!!!!! Your daddy adores you and spoils you rotten, because you melt him everytime you walk (or crawl) :) into the room!

Angel
 
Brat
 
Schoolgirl
 
Pumpkin
 
What kind of Little are you?
Quiz Created on GoToQuiz

Stole this fun little quiz from a friends profile on Fetlife

It feels good to serve. A lack of control in the bedroom can be fun and relaxing. Being with a dominant person wouldn't be a bad idea.

Submissive
100%
Experimental
71%
Masochist
71%
Degradation Lover
64%
Bondage
64%
Exhibitionist / Voyeur
61%
Switch
39%
Sadist
21%
Vanilla
14%
Dominant
4%
http://quizfarm.com/run.php/QuizRunner

Flash Clocks, Hearts Clocks at WishAFriend.com

Daddy Doms by kendra

It had been a while since i'd last read the following article. Many people ask me about bdsm and why i enjoy it...not understanding my desire to be with a Dominant. It is hard to put into words exactly what it's about ... but this article does a wonderful job of explaining it.Daddy/little girl does not refer to the ages, real or pretend, of the participants. Nor does it imply closet desires. In my relationship my Dom is not my father, he is nothing like my father, and I have no need for him to replace my father. He is however my Daddy. We do not engage in age play specifically ( beyond the occasional school girl fantasy *s*) and our relationship is not based on any need to have sex with children. I am always all woman, and always a very independent woman.He does have the ability to make me feel like a little girl, however, a very cherished and sometimes needy little girl. It is a feeling that I revel in, it is the safest place I have ever been, and it allows me the freedom to be all that I am without fear of reprisals. Daddy Dom is a feeling, an environment that two people have created. A Daddy Dom is so named because of the qualities he possesses and the service he provides.So, what are these qualities? What is a Daddy Dom?A Daddy Dom wants to be the center of your universe. He wants to be able to provide for your every need and care. But more than that he wants to be able to shape and mold you to the image he thinks you should become. He sees in you someone who can achieve a much higher, much greater status. He believes more in you than you believe in yourself. What he wants in return is to be able to bask in his image of you, the image he has created. To achieve these goals he relies on a combination of love, respect, and discipline.His love for his little girl goes without saying. He loves her as much for who she is as for who she will become with his guidance. She is his prized possession. His eyes light up when she walks into the room and he takes great pride in her successes. After all, he helped to create her. She holds the most tender part of his heart and has the greatest power to hurt him.This love would not be possible without respect. A Daddy Dom needs to feel pride in his little girl. He needs to know she can hold her own in the outside world and still submit to him. He holds the greatest respect for the gift she has given him and takes great pains to increase it’s value. It is extremely important to him to know she can be with any man and she chooses to be with him.He knows that this makes discipline a priority in their lives, more important than in some other D/s relationships. In order for the little girl to really trust, she must know he means what he says. If his little girl is going to be the best she can possibly be he must stand firm. He uses his experience in life and his knowledge of her to provide proper direction and punishment when the need arises.If he does not enforce discipline, this respect becomes a tenuous thing. If his submissive finds that she can manipulate him out of punishing her, she begins to lose respect and the ability to empower becomes impeded. He understands that it becomes increasingly difficult to be possessed by someone you do not respect.This takes great strength on his part. It takes strength to control her, and to shape her to his needs and desires. It takes strength to be her confidant, her shoulder, her anchor. It takes strength to let her out into the world when all he wants to do is hold her safe in his arms. And it takes strength todo what is necessary when she needs to be disciplined.A Daddy Dom provides something else that is very important to his submissive...acceptance. She is safe in his arms because he knows her, everything about her, and he still loves her. When she goes to him she knows that this man knows all of her dirty little secrets and it doesn’t matter. To him she is beautiful.Daddy Dom and sadistic Dom are by no means mutually exclusive. Many Daddy Doms embrace their sadism while understanding and feeding their submissive's masochism. This balance is necessary to many little girls because it allows all parts of her to be nourished, leading to an incredibly fulfilling relationship.I think most Dominants have a bit of the Daddy in them, taking on the role of male authority figure in the submissive’s life and using their power to enrich that life. Daddy/little girl verbalizes that feeling, and adds a dimension of warmth, caring, and ritual that it’s participants crave.There is something infinitely magical about a Daddy Dom. Perhaps it is something only a little girl can understand.This article may only be reprinted on private, no fee to access websites as long as this notice accompanies it and the following link is in place: http://www.subspace.cc/