“Go forward in life with a twinkle in your eye and a smile on your face, but with great purpose in heart.” ― Gordon B. Hinckley

Tuesday, January 7, 2014

Trying too hard? or not hard Enough?

Back in July 2013, I wrote:
 
I'm one of those goofy people that seems to leave a wake of catastrophe behind her, more like Lucy Ricardo than June Cleaver?  Thinking back, I guess Lucy failed in her relationships too.....I wonder if June kept Ward happy for the rest of His life?...moving on. 
 
I've thought about this a lot.  I know that both Lucy and June were characters on tv programs but there is so much reality in the words I wrote.

At work, I'm good at what I do, professional, knowledgeable, capable, on top of my game, successful, but, I'm also goofy, forgetful, and far from perfect.  I think the things that make me successful aren't necessarily my knowledge and skill but rather, it's my attitude and ability to bring people to my side.  I can get people to do things that they didn't think they wanted to do....it's the spin I put on life...I also am dedicated...I don't give up, I keep trying and working until I get the job done and I'm kind and considerate, I'm friendly and giving and I like to laugh.

Now those aren't bad qualities...but they aren't necessarily the qualities the men I've been involved with are looking for. 

While I'm as submissive as a girl can come in some ways...more than one Dominant Man has said I'm guilty of trying to hard.  I've struggled to understand what this means, but then I began thinking of Lucy Ricardo...how her antics usually involved trying to do something positive, but somehow, someway, each of her projects went astray and created more chaos then had she not done anything at all and I began to see the connection.
On the knife's edge: Ricky and the Mertzes bet Lucy that she can't go 24 hours without telling a lie. This is her punishment when she fails to win the dare. (Photo courtesy CBS Photo Archive/Getty Images) - I Love Lucy Picture
 
Lucy always meant well, and I don't know what it was but she always made a mess of things....
 
That's kind of how I am.  If I'm sent to the store to buy the one specific thing He needs, I'll end up buying 10 incredible things he loves, but I'll forget the one thing I was sent for.   That might be a little bit of an exaggeration, but it's not too far off...  I'll be all proud of myself for doing something to make him happy but instead I've done something to make him mad.

I try not to make these kind of mistakes over and over....I try to understand why He can't be happy when I accomplished 20 of the tasks He expected of me and He's mad because I forgot about that one extra thing I didn't do.

And when after making so much effort to meet his expectations He isn't happy,  but says things like "He's so pissed off" I try not to feel sad but to find a way to not make the same mistake next time.

In my profile on fetlife I describe myself as

slave, fucked up little girl, kinky, devoted, committed
(Just to clarify...I don't need fixing or restructured or broken down to be rebuilt...i've spent a life time building the person I am now...I've learned to be independent, capable and confidant in my life and i am very happy to be the person i've described, it's who i am and it's who i hope can one day please someone enough, so much that they don't focus on what i lack, rather they are able to be pleased by what i offer.)

I am who I am, I am successful, capable, confident and happy....and while I love Him, I don't love feeling bad about myself ... I want to be His love and companion, to hear how I make Him happy.....not His frustration, always filled with  anxiety, always questioning myself and just waiting to hear what I've done wrong....

I would love if He suddenly could accept me for who I am.  I know that there are times he loves who I am....I wish He could weigh His life with me vs without me and find me such a valuable part of His life that He could overlook what He sees as my flaws....but that doesn't seem to be the case...
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Quiz Results: What kind of Little are you?

What kind of Little are you?
Your Result: Princess
 

You are Daddy's little Princess!!!!! Your daddy adores you and spoils you rotten, because you melt him everytime you walk (or crawl) :) into the room!

Angel
 
Brat
 
Schoolgirl
 
Pumpkin
 
What kind of Little are you?
Quiz Created on GoToQuiz

Stole this fun little quiz from a friends profile on Fetlife

It feels good to serve. A lack of control in the bedroom can be fun and relaxing. Being with a dominant person wouldn't be a bad idea.

Submissive
100%
Experimental
71%
Masochist
71%
Degradation Lover
64%
Bondage
64%
Exhibitionist / Voyeur
61%
Switch
39%
Sadist
21%
Vanilla
14%
Dominant
4%
http://quizfarm.com/run.php/QuizRunner

Flash Clocks, Hearts Clocks at WishAFriend.com

Daddy Doms by kendra

It had been a while since i'd last read the following article. Many people ask me about bdsm and why i enjoy it...not understanding my desire to be with a Dominant. It is hard to put into words exactly what it's about ... but this article does a wonderful job of explaining it.Daddy/little girl does not refer to the ages, real or pretend, of the participants. Nor does it imply closet desires. In my relationship my Dom is not my father, he is nothing like my father, and I have no need for him to replace my father. He is however my Daddy. We do not engage in age play specifically ( beyond the occasional school girl fantasy *s*) and our relationship is not based on any need to have sex with children. I am always all woman, and always a very independent woman.He does have the ability to make me feel like a little girl, however, a very cherished and sometimes needy little girl. It is a feeling that I revel in, it is the safest place I have ever been, and it allows me the freedom to be all that I am without fear of reprisals. Daddy Dom is a feeling, an environment that two people have created. A Daddy Dom is so named because of the qualities he possesses and the service he provides.So, what are these qualities? What is a Daddy Dom?A Daddy Dom wants to be the center of your universe. He wants to be able to provide for your every need and care. But more than that he wants to be able to shape and mold you to the image he thinks you should become. He sees in you someone who can achieve a much higher, much greater status. He believes more in you than you believe in yourself. What he wants in return is to be able to bask in his image of you, the image he has created. To achieve these goals he relies on a combination of love, respect, and discipline.His love for his little girl goes without saying. He loves her as much for who she is as for who she will become with his guidance. She is his prized possession. His eyes light up when she walks into the room and he takes great pride in her successes. After all, he helped to create her. She holds the most tender part of his heart and has the greatest power to hurt him.This love would not be possible without respect. A Daddy Dom needs to feel pride in his little girl. He needs to know she can hold her own in the outside world and still submit to him. He holds the greatest respect for the gift she has given him and takes great pains to increase it’s value. It is extremely important to him to know she can be with any man and she chooses to be with him.He knows that this makes discipline a priority in their lives, more important than in some other D/s relationships. In order for the little girl to really trust, she must know he means what he says. If his little girl is going to be the best she can possibly be he must stand firm. He uses his experience in life and his knowledge of her to provide proper direction and punishment when the need arises.If he does not enforce discipline, this respect becomes a tenuous thing. If his submissive finds that she can manipulate him out of punishing her, she begins to lose respect and the ability to empower becomes impeded. He understands that it becomes increasingly difficult to be possessed by someone you do not respect.This takes great strength on his part. It takes strength to control her, and to shape her to his needs and desires. It takes strength to be her confidant, her shoulder, her anchor. It takes strength to let her out into the world when all he wants to do is hold her safe in his arms. And it takes strength todo what is necessary when she needs to be disciplined.A Daddy Dom provides something else that is very important to his submissive...acceptance. She is safe in his arms because he knows her, everything about her, and he still loves her. When she goes to him she knows that this man knows all of her dirty little secrets and it doesn’t matter. To him she is beautiful.Daddy Dom and sadistic Dom are by no means mutually exclusive. Many Daddy Doms embrace their sadism while understanding and feeding their submissive's masochism. This balance is necessary to many little girls because it allows all parts of her to be nourished, leading to an incredibly fulfilling relationship.I think most Dominants have a bit of the Daddy in them, taking on the role of male authority figure in the submissive’s life and using their power to enrich that life. Daddy/little girl verbalizes that feeling, and adds a dimension of warmth, caring, and ritual that it’s participants crave.There is something infinitely magical about a Daddy Dom. Perhaps it is something only a little girl can understand.This article may only be reprinted on private, no fee to access websites as long as this notice accompanies it and the following link is in place: http://www.subspace.cc/