“Go forward in life with a twinkle in your eye and a smile on your face, but with great purpose in heart.” ― Gordon B. Hinckley

Tuesday, November 8, 2011

shame

In my life there are things i am ashamed of.  i imagine that most of us have a moment or two that brings about a sense of discomfort when they think about it.  Shame for me is a painful emotion that causes the worst types of disgust.

When i was about 8 or 9, no older than 10, i had a pet rabbit.  It was my responsiblity, i fed it, watered it and begged my parents to let me bring it inside in the winter instead of leaving it in it's wire hutch under the cherry tree.  She froze to death, and for years, well into my adult life i felt such shame and pain for having allowed my pet to suffer so...I was probably 40 before it clicked with me one day that no 8 or 10 year old is truely responsible for a pet, only under their parents watchful eye is a child that young given the total responsibility for any creature.  It was my parents decision to not bring that rabbit into a more sheltered area, their responsiblity to see that the conditions that rabbit was living in were safe for it and while i'd lived with the guilt all my life, my parents were the responsible persons for that rabbit.


The lesson that darn rabbit taught me was to have compassion and care for other living things.  i've always been very passionate and committed in what i believe to be ethical.  When i believe in something i will stand up and say so.  i don't let others impact my beliefs or convictions and am very likely to become the voice for the underdog, or those who won't or can't speak for themselves.

Also, since i reached my teens, i developed a self policy to not feel regret over choices i've made.  This means, i'd better think through my actions and know the consequences because i won't endulge in feeling regret over choices i've made...life is too short to live with regrets.

That being said, i do have a couple regrets in my life, one that happened over time and i'd change if i could, but my choices in life have left it a near impossibility and i wouldn't change my life much if given the choice.  The other regrets cause me great shame.  They are choices i made as an adult and though influenced by strong factors, i should never have allowed them to happen and i regret deeply that i did.

Today i told my Sir about those things that i am ashamed of.  i've never told anyone else about these things or even expressed my discomfort surrounding them.  Yet, i shared them today with someone who i want more than anything to want and desire me. 

This almost seems a little crazy, actually more than a little crazy.  Why would i tell this person i admire, something about myself that makes me look so bad? 
i don't know...except it came up, He asked and i told...so honesty is one reason i guess, and trust...trust and the belief that He knows who i am and what i would typically be capable of, and can recognize that the situation surrounding it was not typical.
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Quiz Results: What kind of Little are you?

What kind of Little are you?
Your Result: Princess
 

You are Daddy's little Princess!!!!! Your daddy adores you and spoils you rotten, because you melt him everytime you walk (or crawl) :) into the room!

Angel
 
Brat
 
Schoolgirl
 
Pumpkin
 
What kind of Little are you?
Quiz Created on GoToQuiz

Stole this fun little quiz from a friends profile on Fetlife

It feels good to serve. A lack of control in the bedroom can be fun and relaxing. Being with a dominant person wouldn't be a bad idea.

Submissive
100%
Experimental
71%
Masochist
71%
Degradation Lover
64%
Bondage
64%
Exhibitionist / Voyeur
61%
Switch
39%
Sadist
21%
Vanilla
14%
Dominant
4%
http://quizfarm.com/run.php/QuizRunner

Flash Clocks, Hearts Clocks at WishAFriend.com

Daddy Doms by kendra

It had been a while since i'd last read the following article. Many people ask me about bdsm and why i enjoy it...not understanding my desire to be with a Dominant. It is hard to put into words exactly what it's about ... but this article does a wonderful job of explaining it.Daddy/little girl does not refer to the ages, real or pretend, of the participants. Nor does it imply closet desires. In my relationship my Dom is not my father, he is nothing like my father, and I have no need for him to replace my father. He is however my Daddy. We do not engage in age play specifically ( beyond the occasional school girl fantasy *s*) and our relationship is not based on any need to have sex with children. I am always all woman, and always a very independent woman.He does have the ability to make me feel like a little girl, however, a very cherished and sometimes needy little girl. It is a feeling that I revel in, it is the safest place I have ever been, and it allows me the freedom to be all that I am without fear of reprisals. Daddy Dom is a feeling, an environment that two people have created. A Daddy Dom is so named because of the qualities he possesses and the service he provides.So, what are these qualities? What is a Daddy Dom?A Daddy Dom wants to be the center of your universe. He wants to be able to provide for your every need and care. But more than that he wants to be able to shape and mold you to the image he thinks you should become. He sees in you someone who can achieve a much higher, much greater status. He believes more in you than you believe in yourself. What he wants in return is to be able to bask in his image of you, the image he has created. To achieve these goals he relies on a combination of love, respect, and discipline.His love for his little girl goes without saying. He loves her as much for who she is as for who she will become with his guidance. She is his prized possession. His eyes light up when she walks into the room and he takes great pride in her successes. After all, he helped to create her. She holds the most tender part of his heart and has the greatest power to hurt him.This love would not be possible without respect. A Daddy Dom needs to feel pride in his little girl. He needs to know she can hold her own in the outside world and still submit to him. He holds the greatest respect for the gift she has given him and takes great pains to increase it’s value. It is extremely important to him to know she can be with any man and she chooses to be with him.He knows that this makes discipline a priority in their lives, more important than in some other D/s relationships. In order for the little girl to really trust, she must know he means what he says. If his little girl is going to be the best she can possibly be he must stand firm. He uses his experience in life and his knowledge of her to provide proper direction and punishment when the need arises.If he does not enforce discipline, this respect becomes a tenuous thing. If his submissive finds that she can manipulate him out of punishing her, she begins to lose respect and the ability to empower becomes impeded. He understands that it becomes increasingly difficult to be possessed by someone you do not respect.This takes great strength on his part. It takes strength to control her, and to shape her to his needs and desires. It takes strength to be her confidant, her shoulder, her anchor. It takes strength to let her out into the world when all he wants to do is hold her safe in his arms. And it takes strength todo what is necessary when she needs to be disciplined.A Daddy Dom provides something else that is very important to his submissive...acceptance. She is safe in his arms because he knows her, everything about her, and he still loves her. When she goes to him she knows that this man knows all of her dirty little secrets and it doesn’t matter. To him she is beautiful.Daddy Dom and sadistic Dom are by no means mutually exclusive. Many Daddy Doms embrace their sadism while understanding and feeding their submissive's masochism. This balance is necessary to many little girls because it allows all parts of her to be nourished, leading to an incredibly fulfilling relationship.I think most Dominants have a bit of the Daddy in them, taking on the role of male authority figure in the submissive’s life and using their power to enrich that life. Daddy/little girl verbalizes that feeling, and adds a dimension of warmth, caring, and ritual that it’s participants crave.There is something infinitely magical about a Daddy Dom. Perhaps it is something only a little girl can understand.This article may only be reprinted on private, no fee to access websites as long as this notice accompanies it and the following link is in place: http://www.subspace.cc/