Full of Realizations

So the last several days have been very difficult ones for Daddy.  His mother has passed away and He has had to fly to Denmark to be with His family and take care of all that needs taken care of, including saying goodbye to His mother. 

i feel so helpless, unable to do anything for Him.  i know He is with family and friends and they are taking care of Him, but i still long to be there for Him when i know He is hurting.

What He has told me of His mother makes me know that she was an awesome person. However, there is no surprise about that, because He is an awesome person.  For Him to be who He is, He was obviously influenced by people who gave Him much love and positive experiences.  i wish i could have met her...but, in a way, i believe i have found a piece of her legacy, and my life will be enriched because of her.

i miss Him.  Since we met, W/we've seen one another each week, even when it could only be for a short little bit of time, i've seen Him.  He has called me each day from Denmark, and we've talked.  i've listened and i've tried to be a tiny distraction.  i don't want Him to feel any pressure from me, He needs this time to be with His family without worries about His slave, but i can't wait for Him to come home.

So, now i'm prolly the one moving too fast, but i find myself in love with Him, and that love is the kind of love that has the capacity to deepen into the love of a lifetime.  When He calls me baby i feel so owned, when He calls me puppi (and yes i've noted that You do call me this occasionally) i feel treasured and when He reaches for my hand i want to never let go...

When i was loved in the past, it was always with a struggle, a struggle to hold on.  Even when the love should of been given unconditionally, or when that love was seemingly the most meaningful thing in my life, i had to fight constantly to keep it...it was a constant struggle to be something i wasn't.  i've never found myself on the same page with anyone as much as Daddy and i are.  i feel connected to Him, sometimes it's just the phone ringing when i pick it up to text Him, sometimes it's a thought that comes from out of the blue that i find He's also been contemplating, and mostly it's beliefs that W/we share about life, about the lifestyle, about love...

Tonight in the passion of the moment when He was describing experiences He is having in Denmark, He said maybe W/we should live there. my response was, i would go anywhere to be with Him.  i realized it was true.  Should i be at this point yet?  i don't know, am i ahead of Him?  i don't know...  What i do know?  i am willing to take the risks :-)

There was a point, i thought i'd never be happy again, never have this feeling in my heart again...i feel like i can breathe again...